Introduction - On Evening Meditation
"The first thing to remember before we enter into this intimate search and inquiry, into this intimate experience that people have always called God, or Buddha has called nirvana, or Jesus has called the kingdom of God – names differ, but the experience indicated is the same – the first thing to remember is: it is not far away, it is where you are. Right now you are sitting in him, breathing in him, breathing him, through him.
This has to be continuously remembered, constantly remembered; don’t forget it for a single moment, because the moment you forget it the whole search becomes wrong. Then you start looking somewhere. Maintain it; remember it continuously at least for these eight or nine days – that it is exactly where you are. The very center of your being is its center also.
If this is remembered the whole search will become qualitatively different. Then you are not in search of something outside, but something inner. Then you are not in search of something which is going to happen in the future, it can happen right now; it is already happening. And then the whole thing becomes very relaxed. If the truth is somewhere in the future then you are bound to be tense, then you are bound to be worried, a deep anxiety is bound to be there. Who knows whether it will happen in the future or not? The future is uncertain; you may miss it – you have been missing so long. But if the divine is here and now, the very existence, the very breath, the very you, then there is no uncertainty, then there is no worry, no anxiety.
Even if you go on missing, you cannot miss him. You may have missed him for so many many lives, but really you have never missed him because he has always been hidden there, waiting for you to turn within. You have been looking outside, you have been focused on the objective world, and that which you are seeking is hidden within, it is your subjectivity.
God is not an object; God doesn’t exist as an object. Whatsoever theologians say, they are absolutely wrong – God doesn’t exist as an object. You cannot worship, because he is hidden in the worshipper. You cannot pray, because he is hidden there from where the prayer arises. You cannot seek him without, because he is your within-ness.
The first thing to remember is this, because if it is remembered then the whole effort becomes qualitatively different. Then you are not going somewhere, then there is no hurry, then there is no impatience. Rather, on the contrary, the more patience that happens to you, the easier becomes the search; the more you are not seeking him, the closer he is to you. When you are not seeking at all, when you are just being, not going anywhere, after anything, you have reached, the thing has happened.
This search is going to be qualitatively different. This search is, in a way, a no-search; this seeking is, in a way, a no-seeking. The more you seek, the more you will miss. If he was far away then it would have been alright. He is here, he is now. This very moment God is happening to you, because you cannot be without him. He is the ocean, you are the fish.
So don’t be in a hurry and don’t be impatient. There is no goal; the very effort is the goal. We will not be meditating to gain something, to achieve something; the very meditation is the goal. Meditation is not a means, it is the end. So don’t force yourself; rather, relax. Don’t run after something, some ultimate, some God, some x, y, z; rather stand still. The moment you are in a total standstill you have reached. Then there is no more. And this can be done any moment. If you understand, this can happen this very moment. God is life, God is existence, God is the case.
But there are problems; theologians have created them. The first problem they have created, and because of which this remembering becomes impossible – to remember that you are already divine becomes impossible – is a very deep condemnatory attitude. You go on condemning yourself: you are the sinner. They have created guilt in you. So how can a sinner be, right this very moment, the divine? He will have to get rid of the sin; he will have to suffer for his sins, and time will be needed. He will have to pass through purifications, and only when he has become holy, a saint, will he have a glimpse of the divine.
Particularly in the West, Christianity has given everybody a deep guilt complex. Everybody is guilty – not only about your own sins that you have committed, but also about the sin that Adam committed in the very beginning. You are guilty for it. You carry a burden, a long burden of guilt, so how can you think, imagine, conceive, that right this very moment God is happening to you? The Devil can happen, can be imagined, but not God. You can think of yourself as the Devil but never as the divine.
This creation of a guilt complex was needed not for you, but for religions. Their business can continue only if they create guilt in you. The whole business of religion depends on the guilt feelings that they can create in the masses. Churches, temples, religions exist on your guilt. God has not created them, your guilt has created them. When you feel guilty you need a priest to confess to; when you feel guilty you need someone to lead you, to purify you. When you feel guilty you have lost your center – now somebody can lead you.
You can become a follower only when you have lost your center. If you are right in your center, no question of following arises. You can become part of a crowd only when you are not yourself. So you belong to Christianity, or Hinduism, or Mohammedanism – these “belongings” are simply guilt feelings. You cannot be alone. You are so guilty you cannot rely on yourself, you cannot depend on yourself, you cannot be independent. Somebody, some great organization, some cult, creed, is needed, so under its blanket you can hide, and you can forget your guilt. And then you need some savior, you need someone who can suffer for your sins. This is just absurd.
To exploit, religions had to create the guilt feeling. Because of that guilt feeling that you are not accepted as you are, you cannot conceive of yourself as already in the divine, being divine.
With me this guilt feeling has to be dropped. You are not a sinner and you are not guilty. Whatsoever you are the existence accepts you. Whatsoever you are playing, whatsoever game, it is so because the divine wills it so. As you are, you are accepted.
This is the second thing to remember: don’t condemn yourself, otherwise nothing can be done. Don’t reject yourself, don’t be an enemy to yourself. Be loving, be friendly, and accept whatsoever you are. I am not saying that there is nothing wrong in you. I am not saying that you don’t need any transformation. You need it, there are many wrongs, but those wrongs are not sins; they are illnesses, diseases.
Someone has a fever: he is not a sinner, he needs our compassion, our help to come out of it. If we just condemn then he will also condemn his fever and then the whole thing goes wrong, because once you condemn your fever you start suppressing it. Then the man cannot say to others, “I am feeling fever, I am feverish,” because the moment he says it everybody will think he is a sinner. So he goes on saying, “I am healthy. Who says that I have a fever? If the thermometer shows it the thermometer must be wrong. I am okay.” He cannot accept his fever and then nothing can be done. He goes on hiding and suppressing. That is what you have been doing.
There are many wrongs, but remember, those wrongs are just illnesses, not sins; errors, mistakes, but not sins. You are not guilty. You may be ignorant; you may not be knowing as much as is needed to live a pure and innocent life, but that means you are ignorant, innocent – not guilty. Try to understand the distinction very well, because on it depends much.
In this camp, to me you are divine. You may be erroneous, the god within you may be ill, the god within you may be ignorant, the god within you may be committing many mistakes – but the god is not committing any sin. What is the difference? When you commit a mistake you don’t condemn yourself, you try to understand why you committed it. The mistake is condemned but not you. When you call it a sin, you are condemned – you are wrong, not an act.
Your acts may be wrong, but you are not. You are totally accepted as you are. Your being is the highest flower that has happened to this earth. You are the salt of this earth. Howsoever erroneous, you are the very glory of existence.
Remember this: I accept you and I want you to accept yourself.
Not that there is going to be no transformation, but that only through this acceptance transformation becomes possible. Once you accept your being there is no suppression, once you accept your being the whole being comes into consciousness. There is no need to hide and to push some parts, fragments, into the darkness, into the unconscious.
The unconscious is a by-product of Christianity. There is nothing like the unconscious. If you accept yourself, your whole mind will be conscious. If you deny, reject, condemn, then the condemned parts will move into darkness. Not that they will not act now, they will act more, but their action will be now hidden, perverted, disguised. It will not be apparent, it will take a hidden course. You cannot face it directly but it goes on working. The unconscious is created by guilt.
Once you accept that there is no unconscious, the barrier has gone, the boundary disappeared, and the conscious and unconscious become one – as they are really, as they should be. And when your conscious and unconscious are one you can meditate, never before it. Once your inner divisions disappear, once you become one inside, a deep silence descends upon you, a great blissful moment is reached – just by the disappearance of the boundaries, divisions, fragments.
When you become one you become healthy; when you become one you feel a silent well-being. Moment to moment you feel grateful to existence, a gratitude happens to you, and this gratitude I call prayer. It is not a prayer to some god. This gratitude is an inner attitude towards existence which has given you life, love, light; towards this existence which has blessed you in millions and millions of ways, and which goes on showering upon you more and more blessings – but a unity is needed within.
So this is the second point to remember: don’t feel guilty, don’t feel yourself a sinner, don’t feel that you are wrong. If you were wrong you would not have been. You are there because God wants to preserve you. You are there because God loves you. You are there, that’s why the whole existence supports you. You are there because you are worth the trouble. Accept yourself, have a loving attitude towards yourself.
Jesus says somewhere: Love your enemies as yourself. But no one loves himself, so how can you love your enemies as yourself? You simply hate yourself. If you love yourself, to me you have become religious. And a person who loves himself, only he can love others; a person who hates himself deep down cannot love anybody.
If you cannot love yourself how can you love anybody? If you cannot accept yourself how can you accept anybody? So your so-called saints who go on condemning themselves, they go on condemning the whole world – they are condemning everybody. The moment they condemn themselves they condemn the whole world. You are the nearest; if existence in you is condemned, then how can you accept existence that is far away from you, existing in others? No guilt, no condemnation. Wrongs are there, but those wrongs are not in your being but in your doing; in your acts, not in you. And your acts are wrong because you are not aware – not that you are a sinner. Those wrongs exist because you are not alert. The god is asleep in you, fast asleep; sometimes you can even hear the snoring – fast asleep.
My effort in this camp is going to be to make that god a little alert, to disturb the inner sleep, to help him awake. It is not condemnatory. And once you start being alert, you have started being different. Perfectly aware, you have reached; perfectly aware, you are in nirvana, in the kingdom of God.
The third thing to remember: in this camp we will be doing many things, many techniques, many methods, but hidden behind every technique and method is the basic thing and that is, search for awareness, search for more consciousness. So whatsoever you are doing here, remain alert, remain conscious, remain a witness. Doing meditation remain conscious, remain a witness. Doing meditation, dancing, doing kirtan and singing, remain alert, don’t become unconscious.
Hearing me, listening to me, let the ears listen, let the mind absorb – you watch also. You remain a witness. Continuously hammering for the witness will help your god to be awake, and once your god is awake you yourself are a Jesus, a Buddha, a Krishna – then you don’t lack anything. Right now also you don’t lack anything, except that the god in Krishna or Christ is awake and in you fast asleep.
There is nothing wrong in sleep also, but in sleep many errors are committed. You move in sleep, then you commit many mistakes. If you love committing mistakes then there is no problem, but remember that when you commit mistakes you suffer also. That suffering doesn’t come from Adam’s sin – it comes from you. If you commit a mistake you suffer, pain results. All suffering is a by-product of ignorance. So if you enjoy your suffering then it is okay, then don’t make any effort for any change. Sleep is good and you enjoy your suffering. But if you don’t enjoy your suffering then something has to be done. Prayers won’t help, only conscious effort will help you." - Osho
Osho